


I Wish it Never Ended with A Heartbreak

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Zayn, Graphic description of a car accident kinda not really its super short, Liam dies - just to give you a heads up, M/M, Sad, based on Hello by Adele kinda mostly, no fluff or happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5120504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hello from the other side<br/>I must've called a thousand times<br/>To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done<br/>But when I call you never seem to be home. . .”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish it Never Ended with A Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> Based around Hello by Adele and inspired from Far Away by Tyga. 
> 
> listen to both songs if you want, but with the fic they're even sadder to listen to especially Far Away. 
> 
> [title taken by Far Away]

**Six** **Months Before**

 

 

“How long have we been fucking together Liam?” Zayn swears through gritted teeth, he’s angry and red in the face.

Liam’s presses his lips together in a thin line, his brown eyes growing darker and narrow as he stares at Zayn glaring at him.

“Bloody answer me? I feel like I’m talking to a damn brick wall!” Zayn roars now, tone rising a few octaves, he stalks towards Liam like he’s his prey until Liam’s backing away. “You’re acting like we haven’t been dating four years, I’m asking you to move in with me not fucking take my hand in marriage!”

He presses himself against the wall, cowering in a bit but keeping his face stoned as his breath heaved a little more heavier. His fists curl and uncurl by his sides but he’ll never physically put his hands on Zayn, not that he’s weak (because Zayn is actually far from being weak) but because he’s a person that doesn't believe in “violence is the answer”.

Liam stills when he feels a nose brush against his, hot and angry air fanning his bottom lip. “I know that but I’m not ready for that! Moving in together is a gigantic step like I need more time to think about it!”

A loud smack against the wall beside the right side of his head gets him flinching in fright, his breath clogging his throat as his heart stutters in his chest. “Fuck!” Zayn stresses, backing away with his fingers clenching in his fading dyed-grey hair. “Tell me Liam, how long are you gonna use that excuse? You know I don’t wanna rush you but fucking hell Liam! I asked you six months ago!”

“I know that, Zayn! But you’re asking me to move in with you!” He snaps boldly, rubbing his hands over his face stressfully a second or more later, sighing he continues, “do you even know if you want this? Like are you really thinking about this clearly? I think you should –”

“Yes! You fucking idiot, if I didn’t want this so bloody bad I wouldn’t have asked you six months ago!” He yells, frustrated to the point where the veins in his neck and forehead are bulging out more prominently.

Zayn’s whole body is buzzing, it feels like it’s on fire the way he’s so heated. His fingers are twitching as they tug at his hair, and his eyes burn with tears as they narrow more onto Liam. Just looking at him, seeing his body quiver but his face harden with a unreadable expression puts Zayn in more of a fury.

“What the fuck are you hiding? Why don’t you want to move in with me so badly, that you have to question if I’m thinking clearly on this decision?” He pounders, watching Liam closely as his face changes from unreadable to madly confused. “Are you cheating on me? Because so help me Allah –”

“How could you accuse me of cheating? For fuck’s sake, Zayn! I thought you knew me better than that!”

Zayn laughs humourlessly and bitter, those tears that were burning his eyes are now rolling down his cheeks. “You’re not denying it so just tell me, are you cheating me that’s why you don’t wanna live with me?” He asks oddly calm, “you practically live here anyway, you go to school from here, have half your wardrobe here, you have a fucking key to my flat! Just – why won’t you move in?”

“I’m not ready for that step in our relationship yet. Please just understand that Zayn. I’m just not.”

“You’re still not denying it! Fucking hell, Liam, who the fuck is h-he?” his voice cracks at the end as fresh tears brim the lids of his brown eyes.

Liam can’t look at Zayn, not when he’s crying and staring at him with those warm but watery brown orbs. He feels like shit, absolute and utter rubbish as a lump forms in his throat that’s so hard to swallow; “I-I – please Zayn, I’ll never do that to you. I love you so much, I’ll die before I –”

“Just-just leave, Liam. Fuck,”

-

It’s been about five hours later and he ran out of tears to cry and things to throw and break. He’s exhausted, body sore and weak and his eyes swelled half closed as they burn from all the sobbing earlier. Now, Zayn lies in bed, on the side Liam would normally lay on, the pillow smells like his aftershave mixed in with his Gucci cologne.

He dials the number for the twentieth time and waits for it to start ringing. There’s a long pause but it doesn’t ring, it goes straight to Liam’s voicemail.

 _“You reach”_ the automated voice starts, then Liam’s continues off with. . . “Liam, I’m not near my mobile but leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you . . .” _beep!_

Zayn clears his throat and clutches his phone to his ear, “hey, it’s me again. Zayn, I mean. I’m so sorry Liam, please I understand now – just come back and we can talk, yeah?” His tones breaks down and just when he thought there were no more tears to shed, a fresh batch trails down from his eyes across his nose. “I love you so much, Liam –” there’s another beep and the automated voice is back and he hangs up.

He calls another ten times and makes five more voicemails before he gives up. He doesn’t sleep that night; he stays up watching the large, round moon and the stars dance around it in the blue sky as he prays to Allah. He also watches the moon being replaced with the dim, yellow sun, and the blue, starry sky draining into a orangey-yellow hue. And then, he also prays.

He calls a few more times in the morning before school just to be sent to voicemail again.

Liam’s not at school and Zayn tries not to worry more than he already is.

-

It’s not until two days later he finds out Liam been struck by a car while jay-walking. He’s in Mac Donald’s trying to force himself to eat fries before his long English lecture; his mum calls him mid-through a text he was typing to Liam, I understand now. . .

“God, Zayn,” she sounds a bit off but he doesn’t take note on it. “How are you holding up sonshine? I don’t know how you must be feeling, if you need to ditch school and come home, please Zayn.”

“Mum what are you -”

She gasps, “oh God no, you don’t know do you?”

“Know what?”

“Oh baby boy, Liam passed away two days ago from a car accident. . .”

he freezes, body stiffens and his hand nearly drops his mobile. His mouth goes dry as a desert and his throat tightens so tight he feels like he stopped breathing, his heart drops to his stomach as wetness builds up and instantly dribbles down his cheeks and awaits at his chin.

He can’t speak when his mum calls out his name, she sounds wrecked and frantic but even then his tongue feels heavy in his mouth.

“I’m so so so sorry, Zayn.”

Trisha’s crying now, voice wet and cracked.

“I-I – mum, I didn’t t-tell him I-I’m sorry.” He sobs, “t-t-that I-I- understand. . .”

-

**Six Months After**

 

 

Liam’s flat is completely empty now, his parents decided to stop paying the rent, it only brought pain and tears to Karen’s eyes the more they kept holding on. Zayn had yet to go over there, deciding it wasn’t a good idea he wouldn’t know how to handle the nostalgia and mixed in regret and pain. Both his and Liam’s flat held great moments but Liam’s is where they first hung out as friends, where they shared their first kiss and where he fucked Liam for the first time. Going there would only bring him grief.

Karen and Geoff had a garage sale a few weeks ago, they sold his DC and Marvel comics and movie collection. Zayn didn’t trust himself to attend that, he would’ve broke down and wanted to keep everything; but Geoff begged him to take Liam’s most valuable possession his MPC touch and keyboard. He was a Music Tech major, wanted to study and master the arts of music.

He stays over his parents house, sleeping between them as his baba holds him strongly to his chest letting Zayn cry himself to sleep, he whispers encouraging words into his hair and kisses the top of his head more than not. His mum cuddles him in the morning time when he’s shaking and sobbing on the bathroom floor with his mobile clutched in his hand and the dial tone beeping loudly from the speaker.

School isn’t that better though, he still gets pity from students as he walks by or when he’s sitting in a lesson or the library trying to finish a paper and looks around he sees sympathetic eyes on him, he ignores it though, excuses himself or just leaving with tears welling up in his eyes. And he’s also grateful for his professors.

Zayn can sense that Liam’s best mate, Harry blames him for the death of his friend. When they walk by each other Harry gives him this sour, distaste look, only have half cares about Zayn’s wellbeing when he comes over with Karen. But he can’t really blame Harry for feeling like that, he would too, he hates himself for what he did, letting Liam leave his flat like that. He accused him of cheating and then let him leave, then he got killed – struck by a car as he jay-walked then took his last breath in a hospital.

And the worst part, Zayn didn’t know.

-

“Hello, it’s me,” he chokes, tries to swallow down the thick lump in his throat, “they say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing. . .” His chuckle comes out humourlessly as he holds back the sob that wants to wreck through his body.

He’s sitting upright on his bed, the side Liam once used to sleep on, the pillow doesn’t smell of his aftershave or his cologne anymore which makes Zayn go into one of the drawers that held Liam’s clothes and bury himself in one of his favourite adidas hoodie.

“Hello, can you hear me?” He asks desperately, bottom lip wobbling, “I must’ve called a thousand times, but when I call you never seem to be home. Crazy right?”

Zayn blinks his eyes, his dark, long lashes getting soaked by the salty wetness that continuously roll down his cheeks. That’s all he seems to be doing the past six month, is cry.

“If I could turn back I’d make it all right. I swear it, Liam.”

There’s a beep where the phone ends the voicemail and he’s hanging up. He sinks down on the bed until he’s flat on his back and his head falls into the plush pillow, he lets his phone slip out of his hand onto the bed beside him then he curls both fists into the hoodie sleeves and brings them up to his face before bursting into fit of tears. It’s choking sobs that he has to cough up as they wave hysterically through his bones.

That’s how he ends up falling asleep, hiccuping violently with swollen, sore eyes falling heavily closed; he wraps himself up tightly into Liam’s hoodie as sleep drags him in.

Sometimes he gets nightmares, ones where he can never wake up from, ones where he has to fight with his mind – and it always wins. It’s always the night of the fight, and it starts where he tells Liam to leave; he sees him standing there in the middle of the street, phone to his ear and his hand wiping his face. No matter how many times he screams out his name he never listens, never glances back and he stands there not looking both ways before he starts walking. It’s a grey Caravan speeding towards Liam, before the driver can slow down or honk his horn Liam’s being ran over, body hitting the concrete so hard it leaves an echo. The driver spins out of control, the car wheels squelches with pressure against the pavement as it rams into a light post.

Or sometimes it ends with everybody hating him for killing Liam. No matter how much times he apologizes but he knows this is something not so forgivable.

-

Karen checks up on him regularly, reminds him that he can’t blame himself for what happened. That Liam wouldn’t be quite happy with him still grieving, and how he just wants Zayn happy and smiling – that Liam forgives him. He knows deep down Liam’s probably looking over him and sad but how can he be happy and act like he do this to the one person he’ll ever love because he didn’t want to move in with him? Fuck! He’s such a bloody idiot.

Then he accused him of cheating.

Zayn makes the cold water spraying from the shower faucet rain down his face mixing in with his tears as he watches it disappear down the drain. He’s been standing underneath the water for what felt like ages as Matt Corby singing Resolution fills his ears – this was one of Liam’s favourite songs (which no doubt he nicked off Harry’s iPod), he use to sing it all the time, calling it “their song” with along of others Zayn put in a playlist.

He comes out all prune-y and stares at his reflection in the mirror, this would be the time Liam would come into the bathroom all child-like as he embraces Zayn in his arms not minding that he’s wet and bury his face into the crook of his neck and kiss him chastely but with a hint of tease, then he’ll blow a raspberry just to get shoved.

He pulls another hoodie of Liam’s over his head before getting into bed, the side Liam used to sleep on of course, he grabs his phone off the nightstand and dials Liam’s number; it doesn’t ring anyway just goes straight to voicemail.

“They say two wrongs don’t make it right and I was wrong and now it’s not right.” He sighs, “but I understand now, babe. I promise I understand, Liam. I love you so much; I love you, I love you, I love you.”

_Beep!_

-

_“The person you’re trying to reach is unavailable, please try again later. . .” Beeeeeeeep!_

**Author's Note:**

> “There's such a difference between us  
> And a million miles. . .”
> 
> \- 
> 
> I have no excuse for writing this tbh, but you can fight me on Twitter: @youngpayno  
> or Tumblr: gigglybeann.tumblr.com /:


End file.
